Thursday, January 17, 2008

Winter Weather Open Thread

Mike Cuevas in the weather center calling for the veritable "mixed bag" of precip - snow, sleet, rain, freezing rain. All that means is he really doesn't know what's going to happen. He said it was snowing in Atlanta.

Then WLOSers threw it over to John Le, who said the temperature had "nose-dived by several degrees" in the hour from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. Doubt there was a real nose-dive, John. But you've got to make the news sexy, right? Le said the "brrrr factor" was expected to go up. He said DOT crews were pounding the pavement and "primed for precipitation." The work is "their bread and butter - and salt," Le said, noting that they "seasoned the roads" with salt water. It's the part of the job that "gives them the chills," Le said.

And now a couple of eyewitness accounts of the Asheville Ingles Winter Hoarding Phenomenon:

from the beautiful and talented Pixiedyke: It is more likely that Columbian coke dealers will blast into town and blow up every grocery store in the city limits than that we will get enough snow to make said grocery stores inaccessible. And yet. Every fucking asshole in Westville was at the Ingles on Haywood tonight. Luckily, I was born with a full picanic basket, so I checked out in the Deli, but those other poor fuckers are still in line while I eat my quesadillas. . .

and another from the perenially cheerful Mygothlaundry: There's a blizzard a'comin', oh yes indeedy. I know this because every single person in Asheville is discussing it in hushed tones and, no doubt, flooding all the Ingles in search of toilet paper and milk and white bread. You have to buy white stuff when it's supposed to snow; it's an immutable law. Me, I'm not going to buy any white stuff when I go to the Ingles tonight, even if I do get arrested by the snow police. There are other things more necessary for a Snow Day: I'm going for beer, actually, and cigarettes and hot chocolate mix and I might even make a run to the ABC for some whiskey.

Now a word from our sponsor, Jennifer Saylor:
  1. Netflix subscription that lands Waking Ned Devine in your mailbox on the night of a snowfall: $15

  2. pen-style laser pointer for playing light-games in the sky with falling snow: $10

  3. big bag of peanut butter-dipped pretzels from Greenlife: $5

  4. knowing deep in your heart that snow days are even better when you are nearly 39:
Although we hope you won't need it, the following is a public service announcement from BlogAsheville:

How to cook when you’re sick.
Follow these steps:

  1. Find a take-out menu either in a junk drawer or stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet. These are sometimes reproduced in the “restaurants” section of your Yellow Pages.

  2. Confirm whether or not you live in their delivery area. If “no”, then find another menu. If “yes”…

  3. Clear your nose and throat of as much congestion as you can to avoid any possible miscommunication. Sometimes even with the clearest diction and the clearest telephone connection, this can be problematic.

  4. Call your order in.

  5. Celebrate your forthcoming bounty with another shot of DayQuil.
Let’s just say that if you’re cooking something that’s largely improvised like a soup or a sauce, and your method of flavoring turns into “ehhhh, little of this, little of that”, you might want to wait until your senses of smell and taste are functioning properly. Especially if you plan on serving this to someone who isn’t sick.
This message was brought to you by Arratik the unwell.

Here's hoping that the name of your school or workplace crawled across the bottom of the tv screen with the word CLOSED next to it.


Jennifer Saylor said...

Thank you, ATU, for the best BlogAsheville graphic and post roundup our fair city has yet seen. Be well soon and consistently, but next time you are sick, please do this again, because it rocked.

Jennifer Saylor said...

Whoops, I see that this is a JJ post. Thank you, Jim, for totally making my afternoon.

Jim Jenkins said...

Thank you, Jennifer!

Thanks to all of you local bloggers who keep me up to date on the goin' ons in your fair city.

Christopher C. NC said...

We're supposed to horde things when snow's a comin? I'm used to hurricanes and dock worker strikes. Similar items toilet paper and white rice.

Edgy Mama said...

Brilliant photoshopping!!